Thursday, June 12, 2008

Oh My Uterus

Again, the boy has pissed me off. I realize that I am not very important in his life right now but he could at least follow through and do what he said he would. He did not cut the grass. Now we were at defcon 1 gazillion with the grass and at any minute the grass cutting police....not my cute knight on the lawn mower...but the mean ole grass cutting police, that give you a ticket, police were going to show up at my house. Seriously, I lost the dog the grass was so high.

So what is a self sufficient, bitcher and griper about weak woman, supposed to do when this happens. You got it, they get off their rolly polly ass and cut the grass. I am woman hear me roar or is that just my mower. I went over and borrowed a mower from the neighbor who was very nice and even put gas in it...but did not offer to cut the yard for me, which would have messed with the whole I can do it my self thingy by the way...and off I went.

Umm, do you know grass cutting SUCKS. Do not let people tell you it is fun. It is not. It is fun sitting on the porch watching someone else do it and pointing out that they missed a spot but, trust me on this one, walking behind the belching, roaring, cutting thing is not fun. I even *gasp* broke a sweat. Ok, really, I almost had a stroke because it was so damn hot. I was so red and wheezie that the neighbor did come out and ask me if I was you butt, I am not ok now cut my grass for me while I swoon and cry like a little girl. Of course I was ok, does he not get out there every week and cut his grass. Sure, sure, his face doesn't go all beat red and he doesn't make the wheezing, gasping sounds but that is beside the point.

The point is I cut the grass. I cut all the grass. I did not cheat and only cut the front part that people can see. I even did around the signs and poles and stuff like that which was a little trip to hell and back. I did not even complain about it...not out loud anyway. I was a big girl and I didn't need no stinking man to do it for me *ROAR*

Umm, ready for this one? Did you know that I can get someone to cut my yard for around $100 a month. Did you also know that there is a good chance I can get a kid...not my do it for even less. Wanna know how I know this? Well, you see, after my blood pressure went down and the sweat stopped pouring into my eyes, I made some calls. Actually, I only had to make two calls to get my questions answered. The question being...PLEASE WILL YOU CUT MY GRASS....whatever!! It's hot out and there is dog poop out there and bugs not to mention I sweat like a pig and smell like ass by the time I'm done. Stank de'Ass is so yesterday you know.

Being a tough bitch is over rated. I would much rather be the bossy bitch on the porch, with a glass of tea with lemon, thank you very much, pointing out spots that have been missed!


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