Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Will I Ever Learn??

I will not be vain. I will not be vain.

Sunday, at the Bookstore, I was talking to one of my sweet co-workers and she said that her sister in law had come in and had talked to a nice gray haired lady. Ok that is all fine and dandy but I was the nice GRAY HAIRED lady she talked to. That would not do. That would not do at all. I knew my hair was bad but you know I was kind of going for that natural look. Sure that is a lazy excuse for not coloring my hair but it was a justification. I guess here is where I should say how much I hate buying hair color. I don’t mind the coloring part but I hate having to get the color.

This is how it usually goes down. I got to Wal Mart and fight my way back to the hair products section. I slowly make my way up to the boxes because there are 5,000 other gray haired women standing there eyeing each and every box trying to remember what color she had used the last time she did her hair. I keep my eyes on the boxes because if you make eye contact with anyone then that’s another 30 minutes conversing about the number of colors, makes, brands, and ways you can color your hair. After looking at every box, picking up every box, comparing each box side by side to see which will cover the gray the best, re-thinking the whole color thing and wishing that you were over in the chocolate aisle, and checking prices you then put them all back and start over again because you made eye contact and the other lady had a better color than you had. Finally after 3 hours you make a decision and off you go to mess up your hair with a color that is not right for you but will tone down and look ok after 5 or 6 washing.


So I stand there looking at all my choices when I spy a neat little kit that they now have…Highlights for dummies. Oh yes, there is a picture of a lady with beautiful hair on the front of the box and it is just the color that I dream of. I grabbed the box and didn’t even think twice about this. I wanted this. I wanted streaky, cute hair. I want blond dammit. Off I went with my box and my dreams of beauty. I got home and put the box on the table and then proceeded to walk around it for a couple of hours. A girl has to think about these things. Finally I moved to the bathroom and started the opening the kit. Easy Peasy, I could do this. I guess I should tell y'all that it’s about 10 PM when I started this adventure.

Well the first step of coloring went well. The color was great. It was an ash brown and ended up being all shinny and cute. I should have stopped there but I wanted those streaks. I wanted them bad. Back to the bathroom I went. It was about 10:45 when I started the streaking thing. I got the little comb thing out and pulled up little tuffs of hair all over my head. I was careful not to smear it and I made sure to stagger my tuffs so my streaks would look “natural”. I was so happy. I could just envision the looks of awe and the jealousy my hair was going to inspire. I let the streaks sit for 15 minutes then went back to the bathroom.

As soon as I looked in the mirror I knew I had messed up. My dreams came crashing down around me. Over dramatic? I don’t think so. My hair had gone from cute little streaks to great big clumps of brassy blond. It was so past blond that it looked like I had used old time bleach on it and stripped every bit of color out of it. It looked 100 times worse than bad. I could not even cry I was laughing so hard. Maybe it was just because my hair was wet that it looked so bad. Off to the bedroom I went to dry it. I swear I heard the dog snicker as I walked by. I started on the front and fluffed and puffed and the dryer the hair got the brighter it got. Oh my, I am so not a blond. I tried parting it to the side and I was blond on the left side of my head. I tried pulling it back and I was blond down the back of my head.

This is where the panic set in. I could not go out like this. I could not face my wonderful co-workers like this. I could not face myself like this so I made a mad dash to the bathroom, rooted around in the trash can, found the original bottle of hair dye and proceeded to bang it on my head trying to work every smidge of color out of it and on to my mess. Thank goodness I have a really hard head because after about 10 minutes of pounding I managed to get enough dye out to cover my cute streaks. After letting it sit for 45 minutes…it’s not after midnight…I washed it out and low and behold the blond was gone and in place was lovely orange streaks. Not only were they orange but once they were dry they were also frizzy. FABUUUU.

So now here I sit, my blond dreams washed down the drain, I shall never have cute little streakies. I shall never have that wonderful hair that creates a jealous stir when I walk on the Metro. No, oh no, instead I get to sit here with my hair pulled back in a barrette in a half hearted attempt to tame the frizz and hide the orange.

I will not be vain!

Monday, April 7, 2008

What A Crappy Day

After laying around yesterday I guess my poor old body couldn't handle it. I had a complete melt down either that or eating onion straws at 9:30 at night was a bad idea. All was fine when I went to bed then I started having weird dreams. I was on a boat, the dream would flash and it would go from a big boat to a little boat to a raft, there was a huge storm and the waves were horrible. I was holding on for dear life. I could feel my feat slip under me and I kept falling down then it hit. I got seasick. With each wave my stomach got tighter and tighter. I leaned overboard and threw up. Ok here is the bad news it seems that overboard is really the left side of the bed.

Oh yes, I puked in bed, on my pillows, on my down comforter, on the cat who hates me right now. What a mess. I was puking and crying, the cat was shaking, thank god I didn't get a lot on him and he was pretty quick getting off the bed, the dog was in an uproar and in general it was just a mess. I got up, got a shower, got things cleaned up - NOT A GOOD TIME AT ALL - then laid back down for an hour until the alarm went off.

Well now did you know the alarm clock is also the retreat signal. Yup, as soon as the buzzer started my stomach cramped and anything left in me made a hasty exit from the rear door....in the bed....on my clean sheets...on my regular comforter because my other one had puke on it. I was not a happy girl. The only good news is I managed not to poop on the cat. I'm pretty sure he would have killed me in my sleep for that one.

Once again I got up, cleaned me up, cleaned the bed up and tried to feel better. I fell alseep for about 20 minutes then I was up again. This time I made it to the bathroom where I managed to do two things at one time. Try making that decision at 6:30 in the morning. You know you are going to have to clean something you just have to pick which one is going to be worse.

Needless to say I did not go to work today. I needed to. I need the money but there was just now way I could manage it. I did finally keep down about 57 gallons of pepto and some chicken broth. I feel hungry, woozie and still a bit strung out from the whole thing but I think I might just live. Either way I'm off to work tomorrow. I have found that the best way over a stomach flu is to share it with unsuspecting people so tomorrow I might just be overly affectionate and hug everyone.

If you are in St. Louis and see this demented woman asking strangers for hugs, just go with it. The worst that will happen is you will have a really bad boat ride.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Agenda for Today

1:30 PM - Wake up (I kid you not and MAN do I feel good)

1:35 PM – Go to bathroom, brush teeth, do STUFF, wash face, decided that hair brushing is over rated

1:40 PM – Go back to bed. Turn computer on, watch lost, get bored with that, read a book, play with the cats, mess with the dog, go back to the computer, read some more, wander into the kitchen and get some ice cream, wander back to the bedroom and watch more lost then stretch and think to myself “today is the best day in the world”

4:30 PM – Get tired of doing all of the above and take nap. It has been a rough day you know.

6:30 PM – Wake up again, bathroom thingy, wander into the kitchen and make a fast dinner then right back to bed doing all the stuff that I did around 1:40 PM. Hey it worked then so why shake things up?

8:30 PM – have a huge craving for onion straws so go cut some up to soak

8:45 PM – wash hand really really good then back on the computer to watch more Lost.

9:30 PM – Fry up onion straws and cook a small steak. Eat up the yummy goodness and smile because Im still in my jammies and my hair is going in about 100 different directions.

9:55 PM – Put my plate in the sink and walk away. I will not be washing it tonight for today is my do nothing day. Wander back to the bedroom and watch some more Lost.

Ok so it’s 10:30 now and I am a bit Lost out. I’m not sleep but I know if I don’t get to bed soon I will be cranky tomorrow. It’s ok though because being a sloth today is well worth the price I will pay tomorrow. I so needed a day like this. It’s very sad that I look at it as almost a mini vacation. It’s the first Sunday in I couldn’t tell you when that I didn’t have to work. I think I deserve to just lay in the bed and enjoy.

Tomorrow it’s back to the grind but for now I think I will stretch, snuggle with a kitty and watch one more episode of Lost before I turn out the lights.

Random Thoughts

Sometimes my thoughts go off in different directions. Sometimes I barely get a thought out and there goes another one. That’s the way I am tonight. I’m so tired but I’m not sleepy so I thought I would just sit and ramble (more than usual) So tonight…this morning if you are a stickler for time….you get the whole ramble of me.

I am a happy girl because I do not have to work tomorrow. I think this is the first Sunday in a million years that I have not had to go in.

The paperclip at the bottom half of my screen is creeping me out. The little ferret (ferret because I really do try not to drop the F Bomb a lot) keeps tapping at me. I don’t want his help. I don’t even want him there but sometimes he is useful.

Really I have only been working at the Bookstore for a year now so a million years is an exaggeration.

The dog has started liking me a bit. I feed her table scraps and boil her liver and Im slowly winning her over. Im not sure if I like this or not because she is a huge bed hog.

Did I mention I don’t have to work tomorrow? Let it be known here that if anyone wakes me up before 12 noon, I will kill them and it shall be a horrible painful death by….plastic spoon!

I have misplaced my debit card. I had it last night when I bought books. Yes, I know I work at a bookstore and that I can borrow the books but it’s not the same. That and either a kid or a cat always does something to my borrowed book and I have to buy it anyway.

I lost my book. Friday I had Guilty Pleasures in my hot little hand as I was leaving work. Well by the time I got home it was gone. I have not a clue what I did with that book. To make matters worse I was only 2 chapters to go before finishing it.

I found a fun place to eat tonight. One of the ladies at the Bookstore took me out to dinner at Burt’s Chuck Wagon. (I kid you not) I had a pork steak sammich that was past yummy. Two thumbs up Burt’s!!

My kitties have colds. They are sad and pitiful and sneeze a lot. I feel for them, really I do.

I am counting down the days until August. I can not WAIT to go to Chicago.

I really need a new camera. I can’t decided which I want more, a new camera or a dishwasher. Hard choice because I force the boy to do dishes so no dishwasher doesn’t really bother me.

I wish I knew where my debit card was.

I need to go to bed…either that or go watch another episode of Lost.

I have crubby feet and really need to sand them down tomorrow and make them look half way pretty.

Night all….and remember do NOT wake me up tomorrow.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Grumpy Child

I had the worst day today. It started off bad and went down hill from there. I had no reason to be in a pissy mood but I was. I was over sensitive (more so than usual) and I got my ass on my shoulders. Not to worry it was knocked off quickly.

Lets just say I had a run in at work with someone who put me in my place quickly.

Sometimes I forget that I'm just a sheep and it takes that slaughter knife to get me back to pasture.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa....night all.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Snap Go The Teeth

The dog has a problem. She has a HUGE problem. It seems that Ms. Coco does not like balls. Either that or she likes them too much. So far we have had 2 soccer balls, 8 tennis balls, 3 softballs, 2 baseballs and about 25 rubber bouncy balls meet their death at the snap of her teeth. This dog is ball crazy. Not only did she kill them but she pretty much shredded them too. I came home the other night to find Peppito, the cat, sitting in the living room with all the rubber ball carnage scattered around him as if to say, “Look Mother, look what she did to my lovely toys.” He is royally pissed over this and has been reduced to playing with rubber bands since those do not seem to be a threat to her.

I decided that I really needed to get Coco a good ball to play with. She loves to go outside and chase so I was on a mission. I went to Petsmart and started my search. I found the perfect one. It was just the right size. It wasn’t too heavy so I wouldn’t brain her if I threw it and she missed – she does this a lot – and the best thing was it was glow in the dark so that when we lost it at 11:30 at night I could easily find it instead of having to go get a flashlight and amuse the neighbors. I barely got in the door when she spotted the ball in my hand. She was all over me crying and pitching a fit for it. She was even more in heaven when I actually managed to get away from her and throw it. She was in love. We played ball for a few minutes then I let her out to potty. She loved the ball so much she took it with her and would not even drop it to pee. She romped and played with the thing until I forced her into the house. After all that excitement I had to pee too so I left her and the ball in the living room. I went to the bathroom and then changed clothes. The boy came in and yelled back at me asking if I had got Coco a new ball. Oh how happy I was, I chirped out that yes I did and she loved it. He started laughing and said, “Oh she loves it all right.” I walked in the living room and there was glow in the dark ball all over the floor. Yup, you guessed it, the shark had chewed the thing up. All that was left was a little end. She cried and cried when I took that away from here.

The next night I went back to Petsmart. I had the chewed up ball with me. I showed a very nice sales girl, who wanted to laugh but didn’t since Im pretty sure she could sense I was not happy by the destruction of an $8 ball...Oh yeah, did I mention I paid $8 for a ball that lasted 15 minutes at the most??...what I was dealing with. The girl suggested that I get a Kong. She even said that she would give me store credit for the ball I had already got. SWEET. I decided that I would get the Kong Extreme. This thing was solid rubber and, I am not making this up, looked like a large black butt plug. I didn’t care at this point I needed a dog toy and one that the dog could not tear up. Off I went to the house with my big ole butt plug toy and happy thoughts in my head. Again I hardly made in the house and she was all over me. Again she had the thing in her mouth when she went pee. Again, again, again I left her alone with it. One would think I would learn. Did I mention that I paid $13 for the butt plug? (Hush up, I felt guilty for taking back a chewed up ball so I upped my spending) Again, I walked into the living room just in time to see the death of the Kong Extreme. The damn dog had bit the top off it. Snapped the thing off. It was a pretty impressive kill I will give her that.

I gathered up all the pieces and back to Petsmart I went. By this time they were laughing out loud over this. I was not. One nice boy suggested getting Sharky a bowling ball. I was not amused. I did end up getting her the solid Kong ball. (Yes, again I upped my spending limit and got her some rawhide chew ball things too) This thing is heavy rubber and there is no way she can get her teeth into it. True, if she misses it and it knocks her in the head when I throw it at to her she does kind of looked dazed but that is what she gets for being destructo, the ball killer.

Out of all this the good news is that the dog seem to only tear up balls. Everything else is safe. The other good news is that Coco “The Shark” Flynn seems to be one heck of a dog even if she does have really sharp, ball killin’ teeth and only loves me when I bring her toys. I think we just might keep her for a long time!