Friday, March 28, 2008

Coco Flynn

Two weeks ago I was roaming around on CraigsList and just happened to see an ad for a dog in my area. It must have been fate because there are NEVER ads in my area. No ads for furniture, no ads for cars, no ads for lawnmowers, no ads for men (snork) and never ever ads for pets. I was so excited. I emailed the lady and explained that I had lost my sweet Tippy girl to cancer and that I was not really looking for a dog but I had really just been taken with Coco’s picture. I got an email back saying how that was great and that if I wanted to come meet Coco that would be fine.

I was beside myself. I could not wait. Yup, I already owned that dog. It wouldn’t matter if the dog acted the fool and peed on my shoe, that dog was mine. I went out to meet Ms. Coco and I really did fall in love. She was such a sweetie. She loved me and was all over me. We played ball, I fed her treats, she showed me all her tricks and she has a bunch of them. Coco sit, yup yup she did that. Coco roll over, Coco shake, high five, give me kisses, stay, go get your ball and the best one, if you pointed your finger at her and said bang she would fall over and play dead. She was so mine. I could have just squealed I was so excited over all this.

I looked at Coco and she looked back at me (adoringly I might add) and I asked if she wanted to go home with me. She ran to the door and sat down. I opened the door and said Coco go get in the car and she was off like a flash and stood by the car while I got my keys out. She hopped right on in like a trooper and sat in the front seat. I was so excited. Not only did I get a dog but I got a good dog and a fun dog and most importantly a dog that was MY DOG. The whole ride home she just sat there sniffing out the window. It was a bit like out of a movie I swear. Ok ok there was this one point in the ride where I got cold and rolled the window up to fast and it pinched her nose but other than that it was a movie moment.

We get home and out of the car she goes, she had her ball in her mouth and a prance in her step as she made her way into the house. The cats went crazy berserk, but hell, they are cats and what do you expect? Too bad cats, I had a dog and they would have to deal. We played ball for a bit, I set up her food bowl and got her water. I made sure that she was all settled in. She loved me. That night she jumped up on the bed with me and snuggled in close. It was so nice to have a warm doggie body back against me. I was in doggie heaven.

The next morning I got up and got ready for work. Coco was right there with me. She cried when I had to leave her. This gave me even more pleasure because it’s nice to be missed.

Then it happened.

The boy woke up. The boy played with my dog all day. The boy gave her treats and scratched her head. The boy loved her up and talked sweet to her. The boy STOLE MY DAMN DOG. I swear to god the fickle bitch was swayed by all this. She doesn’t just love the boy she adores him. She looks at him with mad, wicked, love in her eyes. She follows him around from room to room. She sits at his feet while he is watching tv. Do you know what she does when I come in? She rolls her eyes at me and doesn’t move from his side. The only way I can get her to even acknowledge me is if I steal her toy and even then she looks at HIM as if to say, “please, my love, please make her give it back.”

I am hurt, I am pissed, and I am sneaky. I am now in a war to win MY DOG back. Oh yes, the boy has not a clue who he is dealing with. I have money!! I can buy doggie toys. I have The Dish. I can make doggie treats. I am smarter than both of them. Before long the dog will be mine!!! (I hope) I cannot wait for the day when she will actually come to me or when she will stop watching the door and crying because he went out with his friends. So cross your fingers and toes that she will be swayed soon because honestly the chicken liver smell of dog cookies is grossing me out!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

I Lost It

Today I had one of those really odd customers at the bookstore. At first she had not a clue what she wanted. She had me stand there while she called around 15 people to see if her daughter would like a Gossip Girl book. With each phone call she talked about anything and everything except the Gossip Girl book then at the end of the 20 minute (ok it was really only about 5 but it seemed like 20) conversation she would throw that question out that. Funny enough, no one knew the answer. She finally decided to just get the first book in the series because she didn’t really think that her daughter had read them.

Whatever lady, it’s 3 PM and it’s time for me to go home so here is your book.

Oh no, she was not finished with me. She then handed me the book and said, “here you carry this I have a charlie horse.” Ummm, aren’t Charlie Horses usually in your leg?? I kept smiling and I took the book an waited for my next set of instructions because I was half way convinced that she was just fucking with me.

For the next book, she was looking for something with buildings in it. I almost rolled my eyes but I didn’t, I kept smiling. (I think that smiling might be my super hero power) She wanted not just a book on buildings but a cheap book on buildings. Fine, there are a ton of books over in bargain that might work so off we went. I was in the lead with a smile pasted on my face and lets not forget I get to carry her book for her. She was behind me on the phone, again, with someone who she was telling all about the fight that she had with her mother. I was walking rather fast but mainly in hopes of ditching her someplace between Young Adult and Bargain. (I did think of it but honestly I would never do that...maybe)

Finally we get over to bargain (I swear it seemed like a 5 mile hike) and thank the heavens above the first book we looked at was a book on great buildings of the world AND the thing was only $5.99. The heavens opened and the angles did sing because the lady was all over that book. She ooed and ahhhed over it, I think at one point she even gave it a little hug then she turned to me and said, “here carry this one too”. Geesh lady are we going steady now???

Now for the fun part, she turned to me, looked me dead in the eye and said, “ok, now I want a current best seller but it has to be in paperback.” A current best seller on what?? She didn’t care it just had to be a best seller. By this time it was 3:15, I got off at 3:00 and I was slightly less amused then I was when I started this adventure. Yes, my smile was even faltering a little bit. My brain went a bit to mush and for the life of me I could not think of a current best seller that had gone to paperback but my saving grace was that we do have a display with all the current hardback best sellers set up. Off we went again with me in the lead and her behind me on back on the phone telling someone that she was buying books for three people and that they were going to love them. As we are walking over to the display Im trying my best to make eye contact with someone, anyone, that works there so that I can tag team off and go home. No such luck.

We get to the best seller display and she reaches for the #1 book which is Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult. She turns it over and over in her hands, She looks at it top to bottom and even sideways then she opens it up, shoves it at me and said, “Here you read what it’s about to me.” SAY WHAT LADY??? This is where I freaked out a little bit. I got all nervous, I was put on the spot. I did not like this lady very much at all but I was still smiling only now I’m pretty sure it was more of an insane type, get me the hell out of here smile rather than a normal, I’m enjoying myself, type smile. I was stuck, I had no choice but to start reading and this is where I made a horrible discovery.

I have lost my ability to read out loud. I guess since I am no longer in school and forced to read out loud and since the boys are grown and I don’t get to read to them I have lost my read out loud ability. Let us not forget that I’m all nervous too so that did not help. I sounded like an illiterate buffoon. I was stumbling over words, I was stuttering, hell, I was almost to the point where I peed my pants when finally she took pity on me and said, “its ok I will take it anyway.” I felt like throwing myself at her feet and explaining that I read all the time and that I was was one of the most well read employees in the books store. People tease me over the amount of books that I read. But oh no, now I will always be the lady who cant read at the bookstore!! (in my mind and I know I have issues)

Yes, I have been judged and I have been found lacking (yeah yeah mostly by me but still) so now I have to step up and fix this. I wonder how the cats are going to react to Stephen King, but then again they are insane enough so maybe a nice mellow romance would be better for them! Really now, what does one read to a heard of cats?

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Is there a full moon tonight?

Today was bring a crazy to the Bookstore day. I swear everyone that came through my line was insane or cranky or both. Lets take for example the lady with the blue sweater on. She came up nice as could be and was very normal while I started ringing her out. I made the idle chit chat, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda and she just kind of stood there looking at me. No problem I’m a bit of a chatter box. So when we get to the end I HAVE to ask if each customer has a Rewards Card. I have to. Yes, I hate it, no, I don’t care if you do or not, just answer my question so I can get on to the next step.

So I asked, “Now do you have a Rewards Card?” Ms. Happy Blue Sweater replied (in a snotty tone), “NO and I DO NOT want one either.” Ok, fine, Snot Ass, WHATEVER, was what I was thinking. Well I hit total and she had over $60. Now, that is a lot of money to just throw away by not getting a rewards card not to mention they FORCE me to ask this stuff. Very nicely, I said, “Oh wow, you have a total of $60….” Before I could finish she looked me dead in the eye and said, “SO??”

Yeah yeah, sew buttons on underwear bitch (is what I thought). I never blinked. I finished the transaction with a smile and then it came for the receipt and her coupon. I handed her both and said, “Here is your receipt and there is a coupon but if you decided to use it then you will need to register for a Rewards Card.” She snatched it out of my hand and just stared at me. I never stopped smiling and I never looked away and I said, “You have a nice day.” Happy Blue Sweater lady screwed up her face like she had smelled poop, stuck out her tongue and rolled her eyes like she was in mid fit then stormed off.
I was a bit stunned.

OK, Happy Blue Sweater Lady, let me clue you in on some things. First off you didn’t piss me off by doing this, you made me laugh. Not only did you make me laugh but you gave me something talk about for the rest of the day. As a matter of fact for the next three hours that face was made over and over and over again. You did not hurt my feelings or make me feel bad that I had asked you this because, seriously I don’t really care if you get a card or not. You did not make a point other than to bring to light that you are rude and a tad bit insane. And lets not forget this, oh Happy Blue Sweater Lady, your life lesson for the day, you just never know who blogs!

Thanks so much, Happy Blue Sweater lady for giving me my topic for the day! (making that crazy tongue stinking out face right back at you)

Friday, March 14, 2008

Is It August Yet?

I am so excited. Not a little bit excited but a lot, pee in my pants, excited. Why, you may ask??

C H I C A G O!

That's right, the hermit crab is actually leaving her shell. I am out of the house, going on a road trip, meeting people and looking forward to having a wonderful time. On August 14 I will officially on vacation. This will be the first real vacation I have had in over 8 years. I have put in for time off from work(s), I have booked my room, I have paid the convention registration fee, now all I have to do is make it 151 days with out popping. I am way to excited over this.

Some people might think it's a bit strange to be this over the top over this trip but they just don't understand. You see, I love to talk about soap and how to make soap and what's good in soap and what color is a good color for soap or maybe how the hell do you make a swirl in soap because my soap doesn't let me do that to it. Yes, soap is my passion but very few people in my world understand my need to talk about soap. They actually, if you can believe this, find talking about soap boring. I know they do because they get this glassy look in their eyes when I start in about the great oil combo that I tried. Now in August I am going to a place where there will be a lot of people that share my same passion. Oh man, I just squealed a little bit just typing that. For a solid day I will be able to hear all about soap and even about candles, but mostly soap cause I will just get that glassy look in my eye and say UmmHmmm when the candle stuff is talked about.

Now here is the real kicker. I am going to Chicago with a bunch of strangers. Swear to god. Now they are not really strangers they are just kind of strangers. I talk to these people every day. We swap recipes, we act goofy, we bitch and moan, we laugh, we joke, and we talk soap. That's right I'm meeting up with a lot of forum people. Friends that I just have not come face to face with so to speak. Is it odd that none of this matters and I am so looking forward to it? Of course, I have my "I wonder" moments. I wonder if I will be shy? I wonder if I will fit in? I wonder if they will know who I am? I wonder if I will know them? I wonder if any of this matters? I wonder if M will shake her butt? The only thing I don't wonder about is if I will have a good time.

Now, I have a ton of planning to do. What do I make for the swap? Do I do two swaps? What am I going to wear? How am I going to make the time go by faster, you know all the important things to think about! I know I have a 151 days to get it all together but it will be here before I know it....I hope!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


I am so mad. No, I think I am past mad I am more in that angry range.

I am this angry

Which should not be confused with just being mad

Now, you ask, what in the world could be so bad that I would risk huge, mad, wrinkles in between my eyes?

After a pleasant evening of dinner with friends I came home to find a letter from my bank. This is never a good sign. As I slowly handled the letter, trying to decided to tear it open or just let it wait until tomorrow, my eyebrows went from

to something along the lines of

Which is supposed to be my confused, eyebrow up like the Rock, look but I am a bit lacking

Curiosity got the better of me so I tore the letter open to find a very nice bounced check notice. Even better it was not for a little bit, it was for $121. This is where the pissed off eyebrows come into play. You see, I have this loan. It's not a good loan and I don't really want to talk about it but lets just say it pulled me out of a bind and now I'm paying out the ass for it. I talked to the lady where I got the loan and explained that I was only paid on the 1st and the 15th. We came to an agrement that she would hold my checks until those dates. She assured me that this would not be a problem. Well I'm guessing it was a problem. Now I'm out another $35 on top of the fact that I BOUNCED.

This is another area of my life that I need to get under control. My financial situation is horrible. My credit is awful and to put it kindly I'm broke most of the time. I'm tired of it. It's time, way past time, to get a handle on it. I know how to do it I just have to stand firm and take control...if not for me then at least for those god awful wrinkles in between my eyes!

careful kid or your face will freeze like that

Sunday, March 9, 2008

For tha love of....

Nothing in life gives me greater pleasure than books. Oh yes, I do love words. I love the way words are put together, I love the way words feel rolling through your head, I love the way that words make you feel. I also love the paper that the words go on, the hard covers and the soft covers, the feel of books when you crack them open for the first time and the smell of the ink. There is nothing like it. This has to be my greatest pleasure. This also might be why I work in a bookstore.

Ok, I have a secret that I'm going to let you in on. You know when you go to a store and they ask you if you want to join their rewards program? Well, the cashier is not asking you that just for the hell of it. If the cashier gets so many people to join or to use their cards then they get a prize. Now working in a bookstore, of course, the prize is going to be books. That's right, we get the advanced copies that are sent out. You have no idea how I bust my ass just to get a Promo Slip in my Bookstore mailbox. The Promo Slip is my golden, even if it is pink, ticket to free books. It makes my heart beat fast when I go in and see that little pink slip laying there. It is just way to much fun to go in and rummage through all the Advanced Reader Copies that we get. Every now and again I even manage to get something that makes me do a girly squeal (on the inside of course).

This is one of my scores that I'm really excited about. I have been walking by this book and handling it, I read and reread the back a gazillion times. I admit it, I have had envy towards people who have come in and bought this book.

Now, I have no idea why this book appeals to me so much. It's not the cover picture that is for sure, it's not a huge book so it's not the weight but there is just something about it that catches my eye and makes me want it.

And now it's MINE and it was free so that makes it 100 times better.

So if I'm not around for awhile y'all will know that I have been book distracted and that while the world goes by I will be curled up in bed and visualizing The Senator's Wife.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Computer Woes

6 months ago my sweet little Dell computer was murdered. Oh no, this is not an exaggeration this was out and out murder. My boys always had access to my computer and they did not respect her at all. They popped her keys off, they typed heavy on her, they downloaded porn (I kid you not), they downloaded games and stuff that she just could not handle and it finally did her in. I hemmed and I hawed over her death and finally decided that I would get a new computer. Now, my plan was to hold out for a Mac but I just couldn’t wait. One night I got a wild hair and went to Wal Mart and took a look. I found a nice little Acer, fully loaded for a nice price so in the spur of the moment bought IT.

I got IT home and started IT up. I was not pleased. IT seemed kind of sluggish, the antenna range was not as good and basically IT was not my sweet little Dell. IT and I plugged along. I basically used IT for internet. I would have nothing else to do with her. I downloaded a few things but wonky shit happened such as when I downloaded foxfire the screen started jumping and jiggling so much that it made me sick to look at it. Then IT started trying to get my attention. At first it was just little things like shutting down when I didn’t want to shut down. IT’s other favorite trick was to just not connect to the internet. IT was pissing me off.

Tonight IT was just impossible. She started out by shutting down my IE every time I opened it then she ate my bookmarks. I had had enough. IT needed an attitude adjustment so I took her back to factory settings. It took me half the night but I did it and man what a difference it has made. Baby Girl has been purring right along. Everything is nice and clean, she is very happy and not shutting down and so far so good all my bookmarks are still in place. I have even started loading up some of my programs that I swore I would just do without. Time to start making use of a pretty sweet little machine.

I guess I need to embrace change not fight it so much. I know Baby Girl will never be my Dell but that doesn’t mean that I can’t really put her to some good use. It also doesn’t mean that I should only use her to check up on the soapers. So from this moment forth I promise to expand my computer, to broaden my horizons and to break down and learn photoshop. As god is my witness Baby Girl shall never just be an e-machine again!

PS: Just for the record, BG is on lockdown and no male fingers touch her. Never again will keys be popped off!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Desk Improvements

In order to cut down on excessive bathroom breaks, Hell has taken steps to improve productivity. We now all have our own Potties at our desk.

Now, I love prizes better than anyone but this one is just a tad bit crappy! (OK it really does make me laugh but I'm not telling that part of it)

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

I Spy With My Little Brown Eye

As I pulled into the Metro parking lot this morning, I couldn't help but bust up laughing. This so just made my day. Parked right on out there in the open for everyone to see was this

I'm such a trend setter!!

Rock On Holly Hobby!